‘Sinking’ tells of how I would sink into feeling more low when I examined my body and body size in my desire for the ‘perfect ballet body’, to a point where I feared my dream of being a ballet dancer fading away in the light of how I saw my body in relation to how the ‘ballet body’. The dream seemed to be fading, but I tried to create some hope.
Sinking
I hate the very thought of fat, but only on myself.
On others, weight can suit them, be part of them,
and I love them.
But I hate it on myself. This causes me to
Sink low;
I was already down,
but now I sink lower down.
The trap of
the
sinking
sand,
drawing me deeper.
Until all I survive on is hope. Even my dream fade away.
I feel so
alone.
And trapped.
Liked a caged animal;
knowing that when free,
I can run;
I can
run free;
roam free and be with the others.
Yet as it is,
the bars hold me in;
Limiting my space and movement.
Some pass by:
‘How beautiful!’ they exclaim.
Others reckon I am better off held in,
yet they complain at my raging
behind the bars.
Lioness behind bars; yet I don’t bite.
I’m simply trapped and alone.
Lioness behind bars;
yet I don’t bite.
I’m simply trapped
and alone.
Longing to be free.
Leighah Darcy 1993/4